I’m losing it. No, really, I’m not and that’s part of the problem.

Don’t worry, I’m no talking about my mind. I’m talking about my waistline. I’ve successfully lost 50 pounds in the not-so-distant past (2014) but in 2015, while pregnant, I gained 60 pounds. In the numbers game that is losing and gaining weight during pregnancy, I obviously didn’t do so well.

Now I’m trapped at 203 pounds. If you had ever told me that I would weigh this much, I would have called you a liar. At my highest weight before gaining weight from methadone for pain in 2013, I weighed 140 pounds. I had 20 pounds to lose. I miss those days. A LOT. Now I have close to 70 pounds to lose.

This week was my first time trying IdealShape meal replacement shakes but everyone says I should have gotten Shakeology. I think I would rather give up meat again and go back to my Amy’s meals, vegetarian meals that I used to eat three times a day that helped me lose weight. The only shake I want to be drinking is a milkshake and I’ve only had two in the past 11 months which might have been two too many.