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Overscheduled and Scared: Life without Morphine

In an attempt to get out of the house, I’ve now become over-scheduled. Once a week, it’s Mommy & Me music class. Twice a week, it’s swim lessons for my son. Twice a week, it was (see emphasis, WAS) Mommy & Me yoga with my son. And then there’s twice a week with a personal trainer to cope with the daunting task of staying in shape without hurting myself at the gym while having Ehlers Danlos. It’s been all about quantity, not quality and getting outside the box…aka my actual home.

So far, I’m having a rough transition at this stay-at-home mommy thing. I wrongly–don’t laugh–thought that being a Mom would be a gateway into a whole new group of friends. Mom friends. I’ve made a bunch online. Don’t get me wrong. I am THE QUEEN of online support groups because you have to be when you live with chronic pain and are basically chained to your home. But as far as things go, in person, I’m still struggling. I’ve made one friend in the past 11 months and the jury’s still out on friend number two. Someone likened making friends as an adult to dating and I was never very good at dating. I’m still not quite sure how I ended up married. Right place at the right time.

Now I don’t know where my schedule or my need to have friends is going now that I’m about to make the big leap OFF of morphine. I was put on morphine after having my son. Yes, that’s quite a step up from the regular here and there Percocet tablet. It’s striking when your doctor tells you that he thinks you have such terrible pain you should be on morphine.

Unfortunately, it’s also just as striking to figure out slowly while you’re on it that he’s right but that the side effects may be too much for you. Side effects of morphine and/or related medication: Zombie Aliza! A general numbness about life that does not abate no matter what you do and bonus points for the lack of sleep that morphine politely covers up daily. And so, we’re going off the morphine that has kept us regular and almost but not quite “normal” for the past year.

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