In “My Love/Hate Relationship with G-d”, I wrote about how tumultuous and complicated my relationship with G-d has been over the years. And again, rather surprisingly I find myself in a place I didn’t expect to be with G-d. I never imagined that my relationship with G-d could get complicated AFTER I’d become Jewish. Wasn’t becoming Jewish supposed to solve all my G-d issues?
I don’t feel particularly as connected as I used to G-d as I used to be and rather amazingly, thankfully, that hasn’t affected my connection to Judaism but of course, there’s worries that it could. So, how do I find my way back? How do I get closer to G-d?
Prayer’s usually the place where people start when their relationship seems tenous. But I don’t think that’s the place for me. Prayer has always come very easily for me. I’ve always been able to reach out to G-d through prayer. What I love about Judaism is that we pray all darn day and about everything. It just affirms what I’d be doing anyway.
Yesterday, after meeting with a prospective convert, I think I realized that my way back is going to be paved through continuing to work with others on their individual journeys to Judaism. I didn’t foresee this road. I remember thinking when I emailed my rabbi daily throughout the conversion process that I was taking advantage of him. I worried I was putting him out. It never occurred to me that his relationship with me gave him something, enriched his life somehow. But I see that now.
There is something so amazing about connecting with someone who is just beginning to see the beauty of Judaism. The energy that vibrates all around them is intoxicating. It is also rejuvenating. It is a big flaming reminder of why I’m doing all this, why I became Jewish in the first place, why there’s no place I’d rather be. This is somewhat amusing because if I remember correctly, what I loved most about teaching was the energy that could be created in a room of students who were just learning to love, really love literature. I overdosed on it daily in the classroom.
Wait a minute, so maybe I am cut out to be a rabbi’s wife? Who knew? After all, it seems what I’d like to do with the rest of my life is help other people be Jewish, teach Jews (and even some non-Jews) to love Judaism. Hmm….
So, hey, I hear you want to be Jewish? How can I help? You’ll never know how much you’re helping me by letting me help you.
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