dating · Jews/Jewish/Judaism/Orthodox Judaism

Non-Jew Seeking Jewish Spouse

Most of the men I’ve dated, even before beginning and finishing the conversion process, were either Hispanic or…Jewish. At 13, when I first decided to convert, I didn’t know any Jews except for the Holocaust survivor who had come to speak at our school. By 25 when I formally started the conversion process, I’d dated a lot of Jewish guys. I was even flummoxed when one broke up with me because I wasn’t Jewish (he eventually married a non-Jew). After all, I was “willing to convert.”

Does that sound crazy? Well, according to “Non-Jewish ‘Pro-Semites’ Pepper JDate” plenty of non-Jews are signing up for JDate and now clicking the “willing to convert” option. These people turn anti-Semitism on its head and are being dubbed “pro-Semites.”

According to “Microtrends: The Small Forces Behind Tomorrow’s Big Changes,” “the number one reason [given] for desiring a Jewish spouse was a sense of strong values, with nearly a third also admitting they were drawn to money, looks or a sense that Jews ‘treat their spouses better.’”

Now, how many times have I heard non-Jewish women say things like:

Jewish men don’t beat their wives. (Unfortunately, some do.)
Jewish men are easy to boss around. (Have they met MY husband?)
Jewish men have money. (So you see where the positive stereotypes are going?)
Jewish men are nicer.
Jewish men are hot! (Yes, you read that right.)

Is having non-Jews on JDate crazy? Confusing? “A compliment”? The article goes to great lengths to interview JDaters with varying point-of-views.

No one says dating outside your religion or culture is easy or without complications. Interfaith Family is in the business of catering to interfaith couples who want to remain connected to the Jewish community.

But a recent letter in the New York Times spotlighted the fact that many non-Jews (including the editor who responded) don’t understand the religious significance of Jews dating outside the fold. One Jewish blogger (who obviously doesn’t believe in patrilineal descent) had a snappy response to “Mixed Marriage in the NYTimes But Not In the Wedding Section” (Blog): “Hello dear. Your children can’t be Jewish if you are not Jewish. That’s why you mother-in-law-to-be is upset.”

3 thoughts on “Non-Jew Seeking Jewish Spouse

  1. You know I'm not the most religious Jew out there, far from it, but I still get this kind of “Eh?” feeling when I get messages from guys on Jdate who are not jewish. I see the “willing to convert” box and I can't help but overlook their profile. I'm having a heck of a time just trying to become more religious, so I'm not so sure if said guy on the other end of the computer is *really* looking to convert and marry a jewish woman, or has some strange jewgirl fetish. It's a long haul, pain-the-ass process (but is worth it, of course), will they do that for themselves or just so they can be with me? It's nice, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who's converting just to marry me.

    And yeah, the more attractive men I've met were not jewish, sorry boys. Not that hotties do not exist (and how!) but overall it's more of a mediocre selection in the looks department in my geographical area. I'm speaking frankly on that, not really in whether or not I'll actually go out with someone – if he's decent looking and has a good personality, I'll go out with him and hope for the best. As some of my stories tell, it doesn't always work out that way.

    I've talked your ear off again – another delightful post, Aliza!


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