My father moved out soon after. When I was 21, after 10 years of not speaking, I asked my father how he could have abandoned us with her. He told me, “I grew up without a father. I turned out fine.” Nobody turns out fine without a father. Why have children in the first place if you know that you are not going to take care of them? If I ever have children, I will love them and protect them til I die. I cannot say that I hate my father cuz I dont, I really dont know whether I still have feelings for him, let's say I just dont think about him anymore. I just wished he were there for me when I needed him. I always thought there was something wrong with me but I guess there wasnt, I was a kid who loved his father more than anybody. I guess the pain will never go away (I am crying as I write these lines)but I guess I will be alright.
Cont. I forgot to mention that you are very special Aliza and even though I became a non-believer after being mistreated left and right by my converting rabbi, I am happy that the Jewish people love you and that you found a new family. I still believe in G-d and problably will til the day I leave this world (I really dont want to lose that). But wished He had helped me finish the process, but then again G-d should not be blamed for the cruelty and subjectivity that characterize most converting rabbis nowadays. I am sad and I will always miss Judaism. It will always be a part of me, but I have to move on and do something different with my life. Enough said about me. May Hashem give you happiness always cuz you are the brave one unlike your father. You are one in a million Aliza. Good Luck!
Hi Aliza. I have written to you before (after reading Oscar Wao). I read the story on Aish (we go to Aish in Toronto) without realizing you had written to it.
What a great piece but my heart broke for you. It makes me admire you even more, that you have survived such a terrible childhood and come out of it so smart, spiritual etc. with a good sense of humour.
My son had a friend in a similar position to yours and I always wished we had a spare room as I would have taken him in long ago.
We are going thru hard times in this economy and sometimes I wonder who would take us in if we ever ended up without a roof over our heads…
Great piece! Considering all the great posts you have written about racism in the Orthodox community, I thought it was ironic that they put a picture of a white girl on top.
From my experience on the site, I do not recall many pictures of people of color. As someone who is white, I have had the luxury of not having to notice one way or another. Aish’s target audience is white with a vaguely liberal bent. The sort of liberalism that a few well placed apologetic punch lines will easily demolish. These are “liberals” that want to hear that they are tolerant, because tolerance is supposed to be a good thing even if they have no idea why. This has nothing to do with real live breathing minorities, unless those minorities are stereotypical Jews, i.e. white. Some general statements of tolerance are necessary if you are Aish. The hard tolerance, though, that actually affects policy or even the sort of pictures you put up is not needed and, considering the audience, may be counterproductive. Maybe we should go counting pictures to find the ratio of white to non-white?
Or maybe they may feel embarrased by Jews of color, hence, they dont want to put photos of non-white Jews on their website. I heard of this black girl who wanted to convert but her white jewish boyfriend did not because according to him Jews will always be white and should not be black. I know that there are great jews out there who are not racist, but sadly the vast majority are. They feel threated by blacks and hispanics and asians who want to convert. Life is about changing for the better and growing as individuals, Most Jews especially rabbis do not share this perspective. They act as mechanical beings who lack human emotion, love and respect for G-d's creatures. The world was not created for the Jews and the Torah clearly explains it. Jews are not superhuman beings, they're simply human beings with a special mission in life.
I don't think that the vast majority of Jews are racist. But I do think that across the board, the Jewish community needs to work on how it treats outsiders, especially outsiders who are becoming “insiders” through conversion whatever their ethnic/racial background may be.
Why don't we see more photographs of Jews of color on a website? Why don't we see more people of color on any website? On TV? In the movies? It's part of a broader problem of making people of color invisible. I have been pleased to see diversity on Chabad.org and I'll look more carefully from now on if I see that reflected in other Jewish websites.
Memoirs of a Jewminicana 
My father moved out soon after. When I was 21, after 10 years of not speaking, I asked my father how he could have abandoned us with her. He told me, “I grew up without a father. I turned out fine.” Nobody turns out fine without a father. Why have children in the first place if you know that you are not going to take care of them? If I ever have children, I will love them and protect them til I die. I cannot say that I hate my father cuz I dont, I really dont know whether I still have feelings for him, let's say I just dont think about him anymore. I just wished he were there for me when I needed him. I always thought there was something wrong with me but I guess there wasnt, I was a kid who loved his father more than anybody. I guess the pain will never go away (I am crying as I write these lines)but I guess I will be alright.
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Cont. I forgot to mention that you are very special Aliza and even though I became a non-believer after being mistreated left and right by my converting rabbi, I am happy that the Jewish people love you and that you found a new family. I still believe in G-d and problably will til the day I leave this world (I really dont want to lose that). But wished He had helped me finish the process, but then again G-d should not be blamed for the cruelty and subjectivity that characterize most converting rabbis nowadays. I am sad and I will always miss Judaism. It will always be a part of me, but I have to move on and do something different with my life. Enough said about me. May Hashem give you happiness always cuz you are the brave one unlike your father. You are one in a million Aliza. Good Luck!
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This was a really poignant, lovely piece.
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Anonymous, please feel free to contact me via email if you'd like to discuss any of this further.
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Hi Aliza. I have written to you before (after reading Oscar Wao). I read the story on Aish (we go to Aish in Toronto) without realizing you had written to it.
What a great piece but my heart broke for you. It makes me admire you even more, that you have survived such a terrible childhood and come out of it so smart, spiritual etc. with a good sense of humour.
My son had a friend in a similar position to yours and I always wished we had a spare room as I would have taken him in long ago.
We are going thru hard times in this economy and sometimes I wonder who would take us in if we ever ended up without a roof over our heads…
Anyway, a big welcome once again to Judaism.
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Great piece! Considering all the great posts you have written about racism in the Orthodox community, I thought it was ironic that they put a picture of a white girl on top.
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Thanks for the great posts. Izgad, I do hope they have diverse photos on their website.
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From my experience on the site, I do not recall many pictures of people of color. As someone who is white, I have had the luxury of not having to notice one way or another. Aish’s target audience is white with a vaguely liberal bent. The sort of liberalism that a few well placed apologetic punch lines will easily demolish. These are “liberals” that want to hear that they are tolerant, because tolerance is supposed to be a good thing even if they have no idea why. This has nothing to do with real live breathing minorities, unless those minorities are stereotypical Jews, i.e. white. Some general statements of tolerance are necessary if you are Aish. The hard tolerance, though, that actually affects policy or even the sort of pictures you put up is not needed and, considering the audience, may be counterproductive.
Maybe we should go counting pictures to find the ratio of white to non-white?
LikeLike
Or maybe they may feel embarrased by Jews of color, hence, they dont want to put photos of non-white Jews on their website. I heard of this black girl who wanted to convert but her white jewish boyfriend did not because according to him Jews will always be white and should not be black. I know that there are great jews out there who are not racist, but sadly the vast majority are. They feel threated by blacks and hispanics and asians who want to convert. Life is about changing for the better and growing as individuals, Most Jews especially rabbis do not share this perspective. They act as mechanical beings who lack human emotion, love and respect for G-d's creatures. The world was not created for the Jews and the Torah clearly explains it. Jews are not superhuman beings, they're simply human beings with a special mission in life.
LikeLike
I don't think that the vast majority of Jews are racist. But I do think that across the board, the Jewish community needs to work on how it treats outsiders, especially outsiders who are becoming “insiders” through conversion whatever their ethnic/racial background may be.
Why don't we see more photographs of Jews of color on a website? Why don't we see more people of color on any website? On TV? In the movies? It's part of a broader problem of making people of color invisible. I have been pleased to see diversity on Chabad.org and I'll look more carefully from now on if I see that reflected in other Jewish websites.
LikeLike