I’m pretty open about the fact that I’m a convert. Obviously. But there are plenty of people who feel its unsafe to open up about this fact because well, they know they will more often than not be judged unfavorably. So, what’s it like feeling forced to hide part of your identity?
Read an Anonymous convert’s take on how converts are treated in the Orthodox world. It’s unsettling but honest.
Memoirs of a Jewminicana 
In Israel, everyone does need to provide papers and some “proof” that both parties are Jewish before they can get married. It would actually be easier for this women here in Israel because she actually has papers. There are people living in Israel their whole lives, but don't have any such proof and are given a very hard time before being permitted to get married.
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Stunningly barbaric. The other problem with conversion to OJ is that once your in and ensconced through marriage and community ties, it's difficult to disentangle yourself. Somewhat akin to the Unification Church.
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Esther, it doesn't sound like she's upset with Orthodox Judaism or Judaism for that matter. She's upset with idiots, idiots acting cruelly based on biased notions about converts. It's disgusting but this article, thank G-d, does not represent all of Orthodoxy. If it would, most of us would be running away…marriage and community ties wouldn't stop us.
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This woman has it fairly easy actually. For a man of color it is a horror! Even with papers they might as well be toilet paper to these people. It is really a shame. There is so much denial in the various communities about it also. I have even been accused of making the whole thing up. I just gave up and decided to live my life and do what the Torah instructs. I am a community of one. Be well.
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This will probably horrify people, but this is one reason I converted Reform. Once you get into the “Are you really Jewish” game, there's no way to win anymore.
An interesting thing is that if you walked into my Reform synagogue, you'd probably think it was C unless you stayed for quite awhile. Politically left, religiously more towards C – the difference being that it's a choice. I am totally okay with being Reform, and I don't have to play the game at all (because I know where I stand).
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Anonymous, let us be a community of two.
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Lili, I hope that you converted Reform because it's the movement that spoke to you, not because you were worried about how you would be treated in Conservative or Orthodox circles. I suspect that this is your truth because anyone that converts Reform or Conservative (even some Orthodox these days) always has to live with being questioned about their status whether individually or by the broader community or Orthodoxy. You chose Reform and you said, I don't care what the heck Conservative and Orthodox folks have to say about it.
That said, every movement has problems with the way they treat converts. This is a bigger Jewish problem with conversion in general that bleeds into how converts are treated across the board. Despite this, many, many of us have very positive, supportive Jewish lives in Reform, Conservative and Orthodox circles. But that doesn't not detract from the fact that many of us have negative experiences that are unnecessary, that should be changed, that need to be changed. Because if Jews don't work on the way they treat outsiders, on the way they treat outsiders trying to be insiders, then they will never be that light unto the nation. Ever.
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I think it's mainly that my community spoke to me – even though it's not like many other Reform synagogues I've heard about. But what I meant was, I don't have to worry what other movements think of my conversion, because I already know. For me, this is liberating. If that makes sense.
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Thank you so much for sharing that article, Aliza! As one who is easily identified as a ger due to my ethnicity, I can relate to the author's experiences. I had braced myself for poor treatment by non-Jews (for example: difficulty in my workplace with religious observance), but I can honestly say that non-Jews have proven to be significantly more respectful of my decision/beliefs than many Orthodox Jews in my area. I constantly struggle to not “judge Judaism by those who practice it…” but it's becoming harder and harder.
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One thing that has to be realized about all religions, but especially Judaism, is that it is 100% about G-d and 100% about humans at the same time. You can't separate the two. If people make things hard for you, than naturally it is hard to create a dichotomy between the religion itself and its practicioners. While the Pentateuch itself states not to oppress the convert, halakha and history show that the rabbis created several limitations and were even very cruel towards converts at times. People have the attitude that the non-Jewish woman who converts is a 'shiksa' out to corrupt Jewish men and to enter the Jewish nation for ulterior motives. One that even gedolim today say. In the Talmud, Yevamot 47b, R' Chelbo says that converts are as hard for Israel to bare as scabs. Rambam, in Hil. Melachim, says that converts can not have positions of communal authority. The Gemara in Yevamot 102a recounts to us that as a matter of Torah law a convert may only sit as a dayan judging other converts, but not born Jews. For chalitza matters, a convert may not sit as any one of the dayanim even if the woman who is having chalitza done to her is a convert herself. Tosafot (Yevamot 45b sv keivan and other places) disagrees and rules that that a convert may not judge born Jews even on financial matters. Syrian and other Mizrachi/Sephardic kehillot do not accept any gerim at all. In the Syrian community in NYC, a giyoret who had RAV OVADIA YOSEF vouch for her was even rejected. This is not a recent phenomenon- these attitudes are seen all throughout Torah, when Torah is taken in the broader sense of the term, i.e. encompassing Oral Torah and its commentaries, as well.
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Yup, Doniel. That pretty much sums it up.
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A question that I have for you is this- since you are Orthodox, how do you, as a giyores, relate to these teachings, which are 'divrei elokim chaim' ?
How do you relate to other passages in the Torah which express things you would probably find repugnant as someone who is progressive-minded? i.e. repressive and negative statements towards women, the Zohar, which says that a woman who gets an abortion 'removes the Shekhinah from the world,' anti-gentile attitudes, etc.
Do you feel that you are more Orthopractic than Orthodox, meaning you embrace Jewish practice, esp. in keeping kosher, shabbos and taharas ha mishpacha, but do not necessarily think that the above atitudes expressed in Torah are correct and should have a place in your worldview? How do you deal with things in the word of G-d that you don;t agree with, and still stay frum?
I would imagine it being difficult for anyone, including converts and returnees to the faith, to try to harmonize their previous beliefs, worldviews, politics, etc. with the values expressed by the newly adopted religious system.
I am a student of sociology and psychology, and to me, it is amazing how this conflict and struggle is played out in the lives of the newly observant, whether they were born to a Jewish mother or not.
I would also argue that many such people become the most zealous, since they feel inferior due to their backgrounds. This is why, for instance, BT's are extremely radical and fundamentalist in their approach to things, and why Jewish converts to Christianity, throughout the Middle Ages, were often the most vociferous and vitriolic anti-semites. Read the Confessions of St. Augustine- a classic of comparative religion and one of the church's most highly valued paristic works (the church faters are akin to the “Chazal' of Christianity). He attacks Manichaens in a sickening way (he was a Manichaen before converting to Christianity. They were a semi-gnostic group from Persia who actually carried on the Zoroastrian idea of the perpetual struggle between light and darkness and forces of good and evil, which appears even in the Talmud. Yaakov Elman soecializes in this particular limud).
Also, how do you lastly deal with the idea that ORTHODOX means that you have the 'correct' belief, implying that all others fall under the logical converse- HETERODOX, which means incorrect or wrong. Orthodox and Fundamentalist to me imply the same thing- that “I am right, you are wrong.” How do you also intenralize this and deal with the fact that you are part of a religious construct which seems to be veruy much opposed to even airing the things you have the courage to embrace openly on this blog.
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I am going to keep it short and sweet so I don't get myself in anymore trouble than I already have today. It is a struggle. It is a constant struggle. I know that this is the best way for me to life my life. I know that this is the way I get the most out of it. But it is not without its complications, it is not, as you said, without it's immense sociological and psychological implications.
And yes, I have met many zealots, I have even been accused of being one. 🙂
Incidentally, Chabad's question of the week which I might repost here is about fundamentalism and Judaism. I very much so agree with it. Does that make me right? I have lived too long and too hard to tell people what to do with their lives, I can only tell you what I've done, what I'm doing, what I love, dislike and struggle with. (I barely know on some days what is right for me.) If that helps you farther on your way, on your path, then I am thankful that my life has not been for naught.
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