I wish I’d read this article, “Struggling or Suffering: My Journey as an Observant Jew”, at some point during my conversion. But I was so high on Judaism, I probably wouldn’t have given it much thought. No one warned me that at some point after your conversion, you’ve just gone so far up, the only direction you can go is…down.
I wish I could say that I’m struggling and hopefully, my brave face shows that side. But sometimes, I feel like I’m just suffering. I miss parts of my life before. No, I wouldn’t trade them to be a non-Jew again. I love Judaism.
But I miss my old friends. I even miss the old friends I still talk to and can’t seem to connect with the way I did before.
I miss how easy it was to see G-d in everything because it’s not as easy to do this now. I’m always looking at least, thank G-d, I’m always looking. But it’s hard. They said it would be a struggle but who’s kidding who, I wasn’t listening. I wasn’t ready for the afterglow. But I’m pretty hopeful that I’ll survive it.
Are you experiencing a low point or a high point in your Jewish/religious life?