culture/multiculturalism · funny · race/racism

Stand-up Comedy Routine #3

I’ll probably offend plenty of people with this one. I’m not even sure it’s funny. It’s definitely a work in progress. I don’t think I have it in me to be the Jewish Chris Rock. Maybe I’m just trying to get back at the classmate who made jokes about being a Columbian (he’s not) drug lord.

Aliza on Drugs

Has anyone ever noticed the difference between what black and Hispanic people tell their kids about drugs and what white people tell their kids?

I was listening to this white Jewish author talk about what she tells her kids. It’s okay to do marijuana, she says. She did it. So why can’t they do it, too? As long as they don’t sell it, she’s fine with them smoking up. I mean, didn’t she spend like most of college high anyway?

Then, in the OH NO SHE DIDN’T moment of the evening, this white girl goes on to crack jokes about DARE (say it with me now y’all…DRUG ABUSE RESISTANCE EDUCATION!). In the 80s, it was all about DARE keeping kids away from drugs, gangs and violence. But she says most of those kids ended up mixed up in that stuff anyway.

Girl, well, if they didn’t, who would be around to sell your kids drugs? You gotta keep the status quo, you know? Because you know how white people are about their marijuana. It’s like Starbucks. They can’t live without their fix.

Full disclosure: My aunt’s a cop. The only dirt brown cop for miles sometimes. So you know she wears her badge up high so none of her white coworkers busts a cap in her ass during office hours. Thanks to my dear old auntie, I’ve still got DARE pencils and t-shirts coming out of my ass. When the Pictionary pencils are running low, I pull out DARE pencils from 1985.

You see, when my aunt talked to me about drugs, she kept it simple. Drugs are bad. Drugs will kill you. And if drugs don’t, I will kill you.

Some of my friend’s moms kept it even simpler. They just smacked yo’ ass the hell up! Because black people and Hispanic people don’t be playing around about giving their children that all too necessary beat down. 

But now, I’m in LA and like every white person I know wants to own a dispensary. You know what I’m talking about if you’ve been to Venice Beach lately where for every Rastafarian beret store; they now have three marijuana dispensaries. THREE.

Because you know what happens when white people want to sell drugs. They make it legal.

6 thoughts on “Stand-up Comedy Routine #3

  1. “You see, when my aunt talked to me about drugs, she kept it simple. Drugs are bad. Drugs will kill you. And if drugs don’t, I will kill you.”

    That made me laugh b'frat.

    Like

  2. Everything isn't funny, and that's o.k. I despise the attitude of that Jewish author. I wonder if her writing is a shallow as her views on drugs.

    Like

  3. I'm sorry,but that was funny.

    I had the same shock with my ILs. They had a very laid back attitude about pot, where I lived in fear and terror of my family ever ever finding out that I smoked the stuff.

    'Cause in my puerto rican/dominican family, pot will get your ass whipped by your parents at any age.

    My husband, meanwhile, once smoked with his mom. Said it was an interesting one time experience in his twenties. Call my latina ass shocked.

    I mean, could you imagine. IN MY FAMILY? NUNCA.

    FWIW, my useless absent bio father was a cop. So I know all about the drug talks at the hands of latino police officers.

    Like

  4. Full disclosure: My aunt’s a cop. The only dirt brown cop for miles sometimes. So you know she wears her badge up high so none of her white coworkers busts a cap in her ass during office hours.

    This is priceless!!!

    Like

  5. I think the war on drugs is a colossal failure, but I was too paranoid about drugs growing up. I have only ingested alcohol for kiddush purposes in the last year, and I'll take grape juice over wine any day.

    Your comedy bit reminds of Carlos Mencia on how white people won't spank their kids, only mine did. To them, Dr. Spock's book had one purpose: to whoop an unruly child.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s