Set up a Google Alert for news on Dominicans and mostly you’ll get news about Dominican sisters (nuns) and other related news. Oh right, you’ll also get news about Dominican baseball players because if anybody in America knows where the Dominican Republic is on a map, it’s because these baseball players put the Dominican Republic on the map.

While Time magazine speculates as to all the different ways Sosa’s skin could have lightened, ESPN offers a resounding Yes, and here’s how!

Dear G-d in heaven, help us.